Hi I’m back

Hiatus over

Because it’s a sappy post about how much I love my boyfriend and how this morning was just one of countless mornings I roll over and we wake up and smile at each other. It’s disgusting that a human being can make me feel so invincible just being next to them. It’s not like anything I’ve ever felt. And I have so many plans, I know we both do, and that this overwhelming feeling of love I have in my heart is wholly reciprocated. I’ve waited so long to have this life, a life that has no worries or anxiety or crushing loneliness. It’s like our souls wandered so long looking for each other, and now that we found who we wee looking for, every morning will be eggs and coffee and sunshine. Nothing compares, and I can’t imagine anything will ever come close to how I feel right now.

(Source: caribbeanlord, via eyes-like-caskets)

There’s this girl that claimed my boyfriend was cheating on me before he was my boyfriend (which makes absolutely no sense because we weren’t exclusive at that time) so I got the story from him and everything made sense.

She tweeted about him a few days ago, on a day he was working, and made it seem like they went bowling and joined a group (which makes no sense because he doesn’t even like to bowl). He’s been with me almost every day since we started seeing each other, so him going and hanging out with her doesn’t make any sense.

When I asked him about her tweet, he said she was making up things up about him because she’s still mad that he chose me over her, and that he wouldn’t be around her because he wouldn’t do that to me or himself, and said I was nuts if I thought otherwise.

Now that I’m across the country I’m a little bit doubtful of the legitimacy, and have to wonder if maybe I am just crazy or he’s making me seem that way.

I really don’t know what to think, and I’d really like someone’s thoughts about the situation

I always tell myself it’s going to take a lot to make up for this,
But I’m weak.
I will accept anything at this point.

I’ve never been able to cope with my codependency issues,
That much is clear.

This time I thought it would be different,
And I thought wrong.

So this time,
I will not be as weak as I’ve been in the past.
I will stand up and make my feelings known.

And if he stays, he stays.
If he leaves,
He leaves.

I am no different depending on his decision.

I am someone other than him.

If you can’t make the time to see me,
Before I leave for a week and a half,
You can see me when I come back
And have that whole week and a half to realize
That you were wrong all along.

These past few years, I’ve had relationships with many people. All of them seem to conclude with the phrase “disappointed, but not surprised.” I thought things would be different this time, but again, I’m disappointed, but not surprised. This may not be the end, but I’m sad that I feel like this again. I’m upset that I thought differently. I’m upset because this time I really am surprised, but also disappointed.